So we're now a month into school. Already failed one Biochem test and did suspiciously well on a PChem exam (of course, judgment is suspended until the actual grades get returned).

In other news HOLY CRAP THE INSTALLATION ART SHOW AND POSTER PRESENTATION ARE NEXT WEEK SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT

I might try to update this thing more often, now that I really can't use profanity on Facebook.

With 5 days until class starts, I've finally started the paper–excuse me: The Paper–for the entire research project. Effectively I'm done, now it's just the post-mortem (there isn't a more appropriate phrase, really).

Maybe if I'm ridiculously industrious I can have the poster–dammit–The Poster–and The Paper done before school starts.


…AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA no.

Rather than regale you with another episode of Why Isn't My Experiment Working Dammit, I'm going to share some thoughts on the nature of fame and being a celebrity. Basically it ends how most of my rants do (SPOILER: Humans suck) but if nothing else it might have some entertainment value.

That sound you just heard was my blog's Boredom Level reaching new heights of pointlessness. ANYWAY CARRYING ON

( Cut to save your Friends page, although I left footnotes out just to tease you a bit (DASTARDLY!) )

*Spellchecker just died on this one. I'm on my own from now on.
**No, now it's dead.
***Pics or it didn't happen.
****And I feel stupider just for typing this.
*****And this too.

So I'm supposed to be moving into my new room today.

Underline and circle the phrase supposed to be in the above sentence.

The person living there was too busy with his crackwhores over the summer to check out of the room. The earliest I can move in is Tuesday, when I could be doing oh I don't know my research project which is entering its last week of work.

THIS IS WHY NICE PEOPLE BECOME AXE MURDERERS.

EDIT: Crisis averted thanks to a long interlocking chain of miscommunication, redirection, little white lies, blatant lies, extortion, stock market fluctuations, broken promises, and more than a few collapsed soufflés.

God, more than 5 weeks since my last update. That's really sad.

So you guys want to know more about my project well IT IS AWESOME WITHOUT END shut up it's been weird.

Once my mentor finally got back from Europe, we finished the revisions to the IRB application, and got them approved right around the second week of July. I was, as you could guess, less than pleased that I now had 6 weeks to pull a project out of my ass.

But of course, things got worse: the protocol didn't work. We tried different swabs, different extraction procedures, different PCR mixes, different primer preparations, even different thermal cyclers.

Nothing. Blargh.

The project's going better now, since I'm working with samples from the Stanford Blood Center and saying to hell with the public swabbing study (10 million cells per sample, we've got to get SOME DNA from them). At least, I hope it's going to go better.

BUT HEY SOME GOOD STUFF'S ALSO HAPPENED SO THAT'S FUN RIGHT?
SF Chinatown: Our tour "guide" was an athropology/sociology/can't really remember professor so the trip was much more in-depth on the current state of residential life in the area. Also, little old Chinese ladies kept giving me death glares whenever I walked into their apothecaries (HOLY FUCK GINGER EVERYWHERE).

Speaking of ginger, we had dinner at a restaurant in Chinatown that our professor!guide knows to be "especially authentic."
Translation: jellyfish tentacle appetizer. It was surprisingly crunchy and pleasing. Oh and ginger gets tied in because I kept eating the huge slices of it that came with one of the beef dishes; this shocked a number of people at the table. Also picked up a pair of disassembling steel travel chopsticks.

Lords of the Samurai @ the Asian Art Museum, SF: A non-SMC event, but most of my memory's been obliterated by seeing this one particular ceremonial helmetwith 4-foot tall antelope horns. Technically they're supposed to resemble leaves of grass in a strong breeze, but that just doesn't convey the fact that this guy's armor had 4-FOOT TALL FREAKING ANTELOPE HORNS. I'm trying to find images of this thing online; haven't succeeded yet but damn you need to see it.

CA Academy of Sciences: All I'm going to say is that the architects for this place are going to be designing my ridonculously-expensive mansion when I get heinously rich. Oh yeah, some science too.

It's Top Gear. It's Eddie Izzard. It's Eddie Izzard on Top Gear.

And tomorrow I see my advisor for the first time in over a month. Hold on to something.

Last night was interesting pretty shitastic. I'd fill you in on the lurid details, but really it boils down to the first real week of my project being a load of horribleness and failure. This is supposed to be a learning experience, and now I've learned that I will never work in human research. EVER.

Suitemates yelling at each other was actually engrossing for a while, even though I gave no care as to the subject. Basically it degenerated into "STOP BEING A PUSSY" "YOU'RE A FAG," possibly involving one of the basketball players. Really livened up my evening.

Just didn't have to happen at 2 in the morning.

I'm doing the "real" costs of the project now, rather than the budget we submitted back in March.

In the words of Florence Ambrose, we're so far in the red we've left the visible spectrum.

FUCK.

Apropos of absolutely nothing at all:
I just wanted to mention that the Tyrannosaurus rex skeleton at the Denver Museum of Science's main entrance looks like it's flailing in schoolgirlish terror after seeing a mouse run across the floor.

That is all. Good night.

It's true. Most fish excrete their nitrogenous wastes as ammonia, while terrestial animals, sharks, amphibia, and some osteichtyes get rid of it as urea. Avians, reptiles, and certain land snails use uric acid instead–it's is also how caffeine (trimethylxanthine) is excrete from humans, by the way.

Today's library* day, where I spend the day reading journal articles hoping to see something useful.

*Ironic, as I'm on the other side of central campus from the library, but that's what the miracle of the Internet is for. Technically I could do this all from my room, but I might as well spend the day tossing confetti at the Sports Camps Kids (SPKs from now on) for all the real work I'd get done there.

My first post of the research project! YAY? [Y/N]

Well, no. Turns out that the IRB pulled a "OH BTW we talked to the lawyers and there's like 7 more things wrong with your project so you're going to have to rethink your entire sample collection program and we won't tell you until you have to start."

This is what we in the industry call a "dick move."

Oh, and it turns out they posted these objections on the 11th, but I didn't find out until yesterday.

And if you're wondering why we bother with this…

So. Colorado. That was a pip. Had a lot of fun hanging with MY LUDICROUSLY WILD OLDER SISTER AND HER EQUALLY LUDICROUS BOYFRIEND. It was ludicrous, I tell you.
Chemistry (REAL LAB WORK! Complete with real "OMGWTF DID YOU DO" moment!), UP, Denver Museum of Science (SCIENCE), scientists playing bocce, grad school consultation, and an obligatory mention OF THE CRISP COLD WATER OF THE COLORADO ROCKIES.

Other than that, been mainly puttering between Moraga and home, seeing friends and waiting for the massive mold infestation in my dorm room to get cleared up my mentor to arrive so I can start my project.

Oh, and I had my first run-in with the law, in a vehicular sort of way. After seeing Brothers Bloom and late-night Nation's with duaneshouse, I got pulled over by a cop–flashing lights, whole deal. Turns out you're not supposed to drive a car if the registration is 18 months out of date.

So for everyone who thought my first infraction would be a speeding ticket: HAH.
Managed to get the actual DMV paperwork done, pending a smog check sometime this week, but dealing with the justice system–no, no you can't call it the justice system. That implies that it works. It apparently takes 30 to 45 days for a citation to appear in the Superior Court's computer system, but the fun thing is that I can be arrested for not clearing it up before then.

That was the sound of my eyes trying to roll out of my skull.

In other news, got a new iPod case, a new phone, a Costco membership, and a bank account you could vacuum-test satellites in.

( Something else that Maggie brought up while in CO )

EDIT EDIT EDIT: And with 38 minutes to spare:

see more Lolcats and funny pictures
Happy Father's Day!

Hmm. Been a few weeks, no?

Saw Star Trek, got through finals, finished the IRB application for the project and got approval, finished the term with a 3.775 GPA (3.711 overall), completed the Honors Contract for the philosophy course, saw Angels & Demons, and have generally faffed about for the past week.

Oh, and procrastinated about updating my journal and looking at Facebook (Over 100 notifications FUCK).

Also helped work a middle school's International Faire ("Who wants to hurl fruit at their siblings with a trebuchet?"), played Gestapo for the Sequoia Music Program Ordeal (7 groups in 5 hours AAAH GOD MAKE IT STOP), and turned 20.

Like how I slipped that in at the end?

Now just waiting for people to come back to campus/Bay Area, and for my project to start. Also wan to see UP fairly soon.

OH YEAH COLORADO IN 4 DAYS IS THIS NOT AWESOME*

*Maggie what are we going to do I have no idea and it's not like I can go drinking with you

Yeah I know icon repeat but this time it's relevant.

Medco, the mail-away pharmacy our health plan forces us to use (no doubt owning to nepotism and intrigue), apparently can't locate their collective ass with both hands, a map, GPS, the ski patrol, and a tunneling electron microscope.

I ordered a refill May 2nd; they said it would arrive by the 8th. It still hasn't arrived, and now I'm heading into Finals week off my meds.

Don't you just love it when the system works?

EDIT

: And as soon as I click "Publish" I get a text from mom that the shipment's arrived. *facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk**facedesk*

Pretty much.

Oh and 16 days until summer vacation HOLY SHIT WHAT HAPPENED TO SPRING SEMESTER

For those that didn't see my…colorful post this morning (or yesterday, actually), I had a less-than-successful time at the Organic Chemistry exam.

Basically went in and found myself surprisingly unprepared because I'd been studying for another exam since last Thursday.

Was homocidal, now just ashamed and disappointed.

And for those who did see it, it's been…taken care of.

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

It's fine if you don't get the title; I guarantee that the person who should will understand it just fine. ;P

I could be studying for either of the major Biology or Organic Chemistry tests this week, or preparing the experimental protocol for lab, or finishing any of the three experiments we've got going at any given time.

Instead, I'm trying to explain to the human experimentation Review Board what I plan to do if one of my research subjects piths themselves with a thricedamned cotton swab.

Point and laugh, mainly.

So. Vegas happened. Then two weeks of shit. Then Spring "Break".

None of that's really important, other than the fact that I stayed awake for 48 straight hours–twice in 5 days–and could get my Toyota Echo 4-banger to do 105 MPH on Interstate 5 to and from the WCC basketball tournament.

No, in all honesty this is really much more important.

In other news, I got a $110 laptop battery for free today, just because I asked nicely. Apple, you hereby fucking rock (but you knew that already).

P.S. Mom, I found someone who likes the chicken legs.

Yes dammit I know I haven't posted anything in like almost two months but you know what SHUT IT.

A longer post is forthcoming, but leadsporkofdoom (italicized below) wanted me to immortalize this now:

-incidentally, I now hate the ancient Greeks
-"we don't need empirical proof! We're philosophers and therefore right! NOW WE PONTIFICATE IN YOUR FACES RARGH LIBERAL ARTS"
-HAHAHH
-if it wasn't for GenEd then these people could go gargle hemlock for all I cared
-HEEEHEE
-please blog your rant
-I want it immortalized
-Being a chain-smoker is a prereq for the Philosophy major so they're halfway there anyway

In case you're wondering, no I haven't spent my entire Spring Break fretting about this thricedamned take-home midterm AT ALL*

*"But wait!" you say. "Who would assign a take-home midterm over Spring Break?" you say.

Well, obviously the kind of professor who thinks "FUCK FUCK FUCK MIDTERM TIME OH WELL ASSIGN IT OVER VACATION, IT'S NOT LIKE THEY HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO DO".

They actually think this. They do. (granted the class voted for it because we figured it would be easier but FUCK THAT SHIT APPARENTLY)